Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Scientists Confirm Anti-Aging Drug Appears to Prolong Life in Animals - ScienceAlert

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s here now, writing to you.

And the sadness?

Switch 2 Joy-Con drift is already haunting Nintendo - polygon.com

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

“Not every game is for every single person. Sometimes you have to pick a lane” - The Outer Worlds 2’s director on meaningful role-playing consequence and banning respec - RPG Site

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

The sadness was still there.

Has anyone ever read The Holy Bible completely through? If so, what was your overall impression of it?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Wastewater is now helping track measles spread around the US - CNN

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

You are like me, then.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Why do I want to be caught sucking dick by my wife?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s still here.

This Simple Dietary Trick Could Improve Your Sleep in 24 Hours - SciTechDaily

I had run out of hope.

I was tired of fighting.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Scientists discover that the oldest continental crust on Earth is disintegrating - Earth.com

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

The Biggest Game Releases Of June 2025 - GameSpot

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Be who you already are.